Pride
There are so many things that I thought I could do well that I’ve found I really can’t. There isn’t anything quite like being proud of yourself or what you’ve done, and, like a slap in the face, find that what you were happy with in the past is so much less than you once believed it to be. I used to think I was a pretty good web designer for my age, but when the time came to move on and learn more than what I knew, I wasn’t up for it. I saw what other people could do and now I really don’t care anymore. It sort of makes me uneasy about what I do now. In the past month or two, I’ve been writing for my benefit alone. I was running out of subjects. I was running out of patience. I just didn’t want to write to please other people anymore. So I didn’t; I just summarized what was going on, no matter how little it mattered, or how little anyone would care. It was relaxing, I guess. But I’m not happy with it anymore. I’m not proud of it. I have a new strategy this time. I’m not going to stick to a topic, like my life, or my thoughts on life itself, or anything like that. I’m going to write what comes to me. And it probably won’t be much different. What I expect to come out is the usual; social commentary, whatever CD I’m going to buy next, how great or what a let down the last CD I bought was, and whatever the hell I did today. But we’ll see. Anything could happen.
I was also going to write about a few other things today. My confidence in myself fluctuates, when it comes to my music. I can’t seem to settle on a style, and if I do, it doesn’t last long. A lot of the time it seems like the future is dismal, but other times I’m actually inspired enough to put out something I like. And anyway, I’ve got plenty of years ahead of me. I’m still in my early teens, so I’m way too young to seriously form a band.
We’re still looking for our new house. Nobody’s bought our house yet, either. I’ve been procrastinating about my English project. I don’t know when I have to get those notes done by, but I should really be working on them more over vacation. It’s driving me mad.
Throw out some links to your music.
You mean, like, the second paragraph there, right? Yeah, I wasn’t planning to keep going with that subject in my other posts. It isn’t that interesting to read more than once. Although, I vaguely remember posting about it kind of a lot in… I don’t know, late 2007? Oh well. Just another thing to keep in mind.